When a parent realizes that their child’s school district has not been forthcoming, has been delaying services, and is purposely misleading, we get mad. And understandably so.
That is what I did once I realized that my child’s school administrators were “handling” me. I was furious. How could they be so deceitful and make my life so difficult when I am the one who has a child with special needs! Life is hard enough, and the school is supposed to be here to support us. Not make things worse.
I found that anger was detrimental to my child’s case though. As natural as it is to feel that way, it is always detrimental to let anger fester. It becomes too tempting to treat the school with disrespect and disdain. What I found it does is close our minds to any good ideas and suggestions they may have to help our kids.
The fight easily becomes between “us” and “them” and not about how to get the best education for our kids. We need to check our egos and righteousness at the door – even if the school administrators do not. We have to be bigger than them for our kid’s sake.
Transparency and communication. It is a necessity in Special Education. I keep in frequent contact with my client’s school districts. If a parent is denied a request, I will ask for the legal authority by which they made the decision.
As I have said in a previous post, I never take the school’s word for anything that is not explicitly addressed in the IDEA. I will write them emails and challenge their veracity. This is the only way I know to keep districts from taking advantage of parent’s naivete of the law.
Usually, by the time I am called in by parents, the school has already been brazenly lying and bending the truth beyond recognition to parents. So when I ask for verification of their claims, they get very upset and start doing some serious back peddling.
Often, they will say that my questions and requests for information are too many to respond to. They imply that I am trying to intimidate them by persistently asking questions (usually of their unreasonable statements to parents) until I get a REAL answer. I remind the school that parents of children with special needs have every right to communicate with their child’s district. And that by asking me to stop asking questions, the district diminishes parents ability to be full and equal members of the child’s PPT. That usually stops them from complaining more.
One time, a silly administrator thought she was being clever by turning this tactic around on me. She asked where I have the authority to “intimidate” her by asking so many questions. I told her that my obligation is to assure that my client is being treated as a full and equal member of her child’s PPT. The district has the obligation and responsibility to the parent. Not vice versa.
I don’t care how annoying or obnoxious they think I am. I refuse to let districts mislead parents about their child’s rights.